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We might even react with one attachment style for one person and a different attachment style for another.
But for the most part, an attachment style is just that — a kind of reaction to whomever we find ourselves interested in.
If you’ve ever been in love, then you know that it’s a remarkable process. Knowing what makes love happen is an interesting study in neuroscience, biochemistry, and psychology.
And while there’s much more going on here than science alone, understanding the underlying mechanics of love is incredibly interesting and useful for enhancing our social and romantic lives.
It’s why everyone, men, and women, feels extra alert waiting for a text message, or why people have trouble sleeping or even thinking about anyone else. Oxytocin is released at various points, including during cuddling and sex. (Men don’t produce it during orgasm, instead of getting a rush of dopamine, which is why they were less likely to fall in love with someone just because we had sex.) Oxytocin breaks down emotional barriers, making people feel comfortable and getting them to “drop their guard.” Oxytocin is what creates that sense of attachment we feel to another person when we’re falling in love.
When they’re not around, you’re not producing as much, and so you want more.
The increased testosterone is why people sweat when they’re around someone they’re in love with, and why people have a higher sex drive when love is new.
When women fall in love, their bodies also produces norepinephrine and phenylethylamine.
They are: Note that the two attachment styles in the middle — anxious and dismissive — can be elements of a secure person’s attachment style.
Those are examples of two different attachment styles.
The exact same actions (a couple of dates where the two of you hit it off) lead to two wildly different results (one runs and one clings). One of these is completely toxic, two can be problematic and the fourth is just right.
Why would you want someone to fall in love with you who wonders if you’re tricking them or trying to take advantage of them?
The first three can all fall in love with you, while the fourth will always keep you at arm’s length.
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Dopamine is the chemical the brain releases when people — women or men — experience any kind of pleasure, including love.